Sometimes being grumpy is useful information.

I caught up with a guy last week who was being pretty hard on himself.

He said, “I haven’t been very nice to be around lately and, to be honest, I’ve been a bit of a prick.”

I’ve known him for a while. He’s a good guy. He just hasn’t been in his best form.

I felt for him. I felt for his family. I felt for his colleagues.

But I was optimistic. He wanted to turn up with more patience and presence, with less irritation and more heart. And he was willing to work at it.

His business had grown significantly over the past decade, from about $2 million a year in turnover to north of $30 million now.

All that growth had taken a lot out of him.

At the same time, the business had become less dependent on him. That was a good thing, and part of the strategy, but with it some of his sense of purpose had started to disappear.

So he was tired from the growth, a little lost about his place in the business, and on top of that felt like he should be happier given the position he was in.

But he wasn’t.

And that’s a really confusing place to be.

When I understood what was going on, his irritability actually made sense.

So rather than starting with how he could become less irritable, we started by trying to understand what he needs at this stage of his life.

What does he want his role in the business to look like now? Where might he find a renewed sense of purpose and connection? And what might a little more peace and ease look like after a lifetime of pushing hard for success?

We don’t have all those answers yet. But these questions are more useful than simply asking him to stop being grumpy.

I’ve been writing about self-respect this month. It’s the first stage of the six-stage framework I use in my work, and situations like this are a good example of why I start there.

Self-respect isn’t about providing an excuse for how we’ve been. It asks us to meet ourselves wherever we’re at, and be reflective rather than simply being hard on ourselves if we feel we’ve been coming up short.

Often our reactions are giving us useful information about where we might best place our attention for a more buoyant and harmonious future.